I wasn’t scared of getting married or having kids…that’s not what scares me…. What scared me was being like my dad… Of failing as a parent and a husband…. I want these things… But I wish I knew and was able to tell you… And maybe you would have reassured me that I won’t fail… Gave me that confidence…I’m sorry…but I know now…
im lost, cold, scared, depressed, alone, and guilty. how things became like this i will always regret, but i do wish this wasn’t happening. with the way things are now i suppose there isnt much of anything i can do but expect the worst and hope the best isnt far after the damage. she is talking to someone and it hurt… but i told her yesterday i was too… but i still dont want things to be this way :/ how can we have this history for close to 5-6 years and just throw it away like this… if you had just stayed we could have worked all this out… we were so close before you left. but its gone i guess… unless you show me or tell me otherwise… i will just see you with him and have all this pain and regret inside me.
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I can’t think of any song that will help me… My favourite album from “straylight run” does a little but not enough…. With all these thoughts, memories, and images in my head all I wanna do is cry. And I do know that everything I post will be seen by her and she will have something to say so to all my followers: i already know. We were fine this morning and last night and everything, it was all perfect. Why this is happening is beyond me. I didn’t want any of this to happen, but it is and nothing can change that. I’m going to be sleeping on my couch I guess for idk how long. But I do know that for the week the is going to be waiting to leave back home… The girl I love will be gone but my pain and hurting from returning memories and feelings will stay forever…
I don’t really feel like posting because I don’t know what to say… But it will be said anyway. The girl I love is leaving… Despite how hard I have been trying all it took for her to be leaving is an argument that isn’t even that big. I know she see’s a lot more reason behind the argument and I can’t help that, she was already planning on leaving to go back home but not on bad terms. I don’t want her to leave but her flight is already booked. The argument was basically a misscomunication about plans tonight, but to her she see’s that I haven’t changed and she is miserable. This only makes me feel like shit and how I only failed in my life again and I know its going to haunt me for the rest of it. I know she is going to see this and she might have more to say, but just like her leaving and how she feels…I can’t change that…
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I got the girl I love into tumbler :) and its so cute lol ill catch her blogging or reblogging things and makeing comments, we even reblog each others stuff sometimes XP I love reading her cute comments and things she rebloggs that I know has to deal with me. But I feel like shit when I see some of the other things she blogs… It doesn’t kill me that she is blogging it or thinking it… It kills me that I know I made her like that or I can’t change her mind on the topic…. And I know there are some things that she struggles with that I wasn’t the cause of but I wish I could help her on it… We have been doing a lot better and I just hope we stay on this track and proceed forward…but I wanna give her the hope and future that she dreams about… Though I’m the reason she feels like some of those things will never happen…. And I regret making her feel like that….
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im confused and dont know what to do. the girl i loved moved out here for me and then i fucked it up by “not feeling we match”. she went to LA for a week to see her friend and hang out and i stayed with my friend for a week. shit went down with me and my friend that made us not friends, and the whole time i was thinking of my girl and everything. well we both did things with ppl when we were gone but now that we are back in the same house and on a hell of a lot better terms…. she missed her guy more than me….. i feel stupid and useless. i cant give her what he has to offer her in LA. she not only told me that she wants to move out there, but also in a conversation (and during sex) that he was much bigger than me and better….she even told my friend that and i heard it from him. i know i fucked up in the beginning but i felt we were getting a lot better after we talked things out when we both got back. but im really trying….im do a lot for her and im completely open with her now then i ever was with any other girl i loved. but if she doesnt want me anymore then i know ill be hurt and be sad…but ill have my good friends to help me through it. i just wish we could have another chance to make this work…..we have known each other for 5 years….i love her….and i just wanna make things right….
does anyone have any suggestions to help me out?
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We all have them, live with them, and deal with them in different ways. But sometimes its just really hard and leaves you feeling the pain, whether it was all your fault or not. But there is a saying that it takes Two to make things work or fail. And that saying is very true, so don’t blame yourself for all or it. But remember and learn from the mistake as much as you can, You only want to make the same mistake once.